Matchmaker: SasuSaku Month 2015
by moor
Summary: Naruto-verse, non-massacre AU. SasuSaku. When Itachi decides to thwart his clan's plans for a choice of spouse by assassinating his own reputation, it falls to Sasuke to don the mantle of responsibility and take one for the clan. "Frequency of sexual congress?" he read on the compatibility survey. The matchmaker nodded. "Hn..."


**SasuSaku Month 2015 - Matchmaker**

* * *

Fugaku and Mikoto stared at the low table between them, their tea untouched and cooling in the tense silence.

"He's too stubborn," ventured Mikoto. "We can wait him out, or…"

Brows furrowed, Fugaku looked up at her, lips pressed together in a thin line.

"Or?"

"Well, we do have two sons," she said, soft and demure.

* * *

Sasuke looked at his parents as they sat side by side in the tea room, facing him.

A united front.

He nodded to them and took a seat, kneeling his twenty-two year old frame into a graceful seiza.

His mother smiled at him. "You look well. I take it the mission was not a challenge?"

"No."

Fugaku gave a grunt of… not approval, but more like a non-verbal 'of course not'. Sasuke ignored him.

"Your father and I have been talking, and we have come to some decisions about the future of the clan," she continued.

Sasuke's brows knit together. "Would you like me to find Itachi-nii?"

Another grunt from his father; this time, it was definitely one of disapproval.

Sasuke's eyes flashed between his two parents; had someone tricked him, or them? What had happened that his immaculate brother had fallen out of favour with them?

With subtle stretches he cast a _kai_ , then another, just to be sure.

"You're not in a genjutsu, Sasuke," said Fugaku. "Stop that."

He did.

Fugaku grunted under his breath before continuing. "To be very blunt, your brother has made it clear he is not interested in marriage and continuing the family line."

Sasuke nodded.

Then he felt a wave of dread crash over him as his mother's eyes lit up and she clasped her hands together in front of her.

His eyes shot to his father, who had crossed his arms in front of himself and scowled. "So we're pinning all our hopes on you, boy. This has gone on long enough. No more dilly-dallying. The matchmaker arrives in an hour. Go put on your best formalwear."

Sasuke blinked.

"Now, Sasuke," said Mikoto gently, her smile encouraging. "And wash the blood off, first. We want to make a good impression."

"This time," muttered Fugaku to Sasuke's back as he rose and left his parents.

As he scrubbed down in the bathroom, Sasuke just might have lost a teeny bit of respect for his older brother for putting him in this ridiculous position.

* * *

Knocking on his brother's door half an hour later, Sasuke tapped it open an inch and peered in. "Itachi, do you have my—… That's… an interesting look for you."

"Hurry up. Shisui just sent me a summon that the matchmaker's on his way over again. He is a stronger foe than I had anticipated," said Itachi, blending his eye shadow like a pro.

Sasuke tried not to be obvious as he stared at his brother's knee-high athletic socks, old-man sandals, and spiked hair.

Taking a breath, he met his brother's gaze in his mirror. "He's coming for me, not you. Mom and Dad have decided to take their frustration out on me. I need the… nevermind, it's right here." He picked up what he'd come for and turned around to leave.

"Thank you for your sacrifice, little brother."

Sasuke just sighed as he closed the door behind him.

* * *

" _He's not leaving the house like that—"_

" _Fugaku, we talked about this. He's only doing it to get a reaction out of you—"_

" _No son of mine is—"_

With a soft clack of wood-against-wood, Sasuke shut the door behind himself—cutting off his parents' argument in the kitchen just as Itachi had chosen to saunter down the stairs—and bowed respectfully to the matchmaker.

"I apologize for the delay, I just returned from a mission," he said, sighing internally.

Tucking away his linen handkerchief, the matchmaker sighed, his shoulders dropping. "Ah, so nice to make your acquaintance, Sasuke-sama," he said with feeling.

"How may I help you?" asked Sasuke, coming to kneel across from the man at the small table. The surface of the oak table was covered with three piles of paper; forms and paperwork. Official clan business, he recognized.

"I trust your family explained what my role is?"

"In brief."

"Ah. Well, I am here to find you a life partner, a friend who will never give up on you, a mother for your future children, and a lover to warm your mornings," said the small, thin man with a kind smile.

"Hn."

"So, in order to help you find the best partner I can, I need to ask you some questions."

"Hn."

The man's smile wavered. "Please… please be as honest and forthcoming as you can. Some questions are of a personal nature, but I pride myself on my confidentiality."

"Hn."

His shoulders drooped. "Sir, to be unusually frank, I… may I ask, am I in for a second round of your older sibling's… antics?"

Sasuke took a moment to glance outside; down the road he could just make out his brother's tell-tale gait in spite of the Superman cape he'd donned.

"No. I'm a Batman fan, myself," answered Sasuke.

* * *

The matchmaker looked over the list he and his client had collaborated on together.

 _ **Height**_ _: Shorter than 6'2" (Sasuke's own height)_

 _ **Weight**_ _: -_

 _ **Build**_ _: Athletic_

 _ **Fitness Level:**_ _A-Class Nin, ANBU (He wanted a sparring partner)_

 _ **Clan Status**_ _: Inconsequential (His brother would remain clan heir, as far as he knew)_

 _ **Personality**_ _: Academic (He needed someone intelligent if he was going to speak to them), Caring/Compassionate (He needed someone who would make a good mother), Determined (He could admit he was... temperamental, at times), Adventurous, Patient, and Able to Shut the Hell Up_

 _ **Negatives**_ _: Gossips, any history of infidelity, lack of accomplishment or achievement, rudeness, pushovers, laziness, alcoholism, drug abuse, vanity, self-centeredness, lack of self-esteem, poor communication skills, poor teamwork skills, family baggage, jealous ex-boyfriends, jealous ex-girlfriends, pets, smoking, being too loud/boisterous, power trippers, the Hokage—_

Lifting his head up, and swallowing to clear his throat, he met Sasuke's calm gaze.

"Er, to ensure I am searching in the correct direction; are you looking for a man or a woman?"

"A woman."

"Thank you."

He looked back down at the list again.

 _ **Sexual History:**_ _No diseases; preferably someone with fewer than three previous sexual partners_

 _ **Sexual Appetite:**_ _As necessary_

 _ **Sexual Frequency:**_ _As necessary_

…

When he finished, he sat back and set down his lists and papers and just looked at Sasuke.

"Hn?"

"A question for you," began the matchmaker. Sasuke nodded once.

"Is there someone specific you'd be interested in me approaching?"

"...not particularly."

The man smiled to himself and lifted his brows as he looked at Sasuke.

"You were deliberately vague," he said, lifting up a set of papers."Who is she?"

"No one. There is no one."

"Young man, I have been doing this a very long time. I've dealt with a great many people. I've even dealt with a great many clans." His head twitched a bit. "Though I admit, yours is challenging me." He turned his attention back to Sasuke, his features softening. "But you're looking for a kunoichi who can spar with you, stand up to you, converse with you, put you in your place when you're difficult, stand up to you and your clan so she don't lose track of her spirit, and who can still remain your friend through it all. Someone who's history you'd know, so you could trust them, and who could keep your secrets… Young Master, I believe we both know whom you're looking for."

Swallowing, Sasuke held the man's gaze. "She was originally intended for my brother. I… I can't take, her, away from him."

The man shuffled the papers together after a moment, and gave Sasuke a knowing look.

"Your brother has made it clear he is happy for you to find happiness first."

"Because he knew I…" Sasuke looked away, a muscle clenching in his jaw.

"Young man, a word of advice."

Sasuke looked back.

"A man who is willing to go that far to see that you get what you want loves you very much. More than his own reputation. Don't let that much effort go to waste."

With a wink the man placed the gathered papers into his attaché case.

"Are you going to approach her?" asked Sasuke, walking the man to the door.

Patting Sasuke on the back, the man slipped on his shoes and gave him a wink. "I'll see you again soon. Please give your parents my best."

Then, like a sign from above there came the mournful howling of the highland moors from their rooftop.

" _Where in bloody f—did he get a set of bagpipes?!"_ burst out Fugaku from inside their home.

" _Fugaku, honey, we talked about this—"_ soothed Mikoto.

The matchmaker and Sasuke just looked at each other.

"Gotta admit, your brother has been my most challenging client since the Hokage hired me to find someone for your former sensei, Hatake Kakashi. No amount of money was worth that."

"Hn."

Sasuke felt a wash of sympathy for the poor man.

* * *

At Ichiraku that night, Sasuke nodded at Naruto's wave and joined him at the counter.

"You look wiped. Did Sakura miss something when she checked you out this afternoon?" Naruto remarked, eyeing his friend's slower gait, his less taut shoulders.

She always checked him when he returned from his missions; him, Naruto, Sai, Kakashi, even Yamato. Sometimes, at his request, she'd even come to their home to assist Itachi if it was an ANBU-related injury that needed to stay confidential and under the radar.

"Everything's fine." He gave his order and picked up his cup of tea. "My parents decided Itachi wasn't cooperating with their efforts to find a wife, so they've moved on to me. The matchmaker just left a little while ago."

Brows furrowing, Naruto swallowed his mouthful of fish ball. "I thought…"

"We're… well, we'll see."

Naruto nodded.

"She…" Sasuke growled and ran a hand through his hair. He'd done so often, after the matchmaker left, wondering if he'd made the right decision.

But then Naruto cracked a grin at him, his blue eyes sparkling.

"I can't wait! This is going to be so awesome! You and Sakura, and me and Hinata, we'll all get married together, and have babies together, and raise our kids together, and—"

Sasuke smacked him.

"Oy, that hurt!"

"Don't get ahead of yourself."

But… _Yeah_ , thought Sasuke with an internal sigh. _A lot of this could hurt. It could all hurt a lot_. That was the point.

He couldn't take getting his hopes up.

* * *

When he returned home that night, he was surprised to see most of the lights on the main floor still lit. Usually by this time his parents had retired to their room. (And he would be, as usual, lamenting the fact he was required by the clan to live with his family until he had a family of his own.) Lights on after nine pm meant he was getting a talking-to.

Resigning himself to something of importance being discussed, he sent a quick prayer heavenward that it be either quick or painless. He'd only been gone for two or three hours. How much could have happened in three hours?

* * *

Apparently, quite a bit, he found out.

"Sasuke! Look who's here!"

He nearly ignored his mother's welcome as his eyes met his guest's green gaze across the small sitting room.

"Hi, um, do you have a minute?" she asked, tucking a lock of roseate hair behind her ear and glancing awkwardly at his beaming mother.

"Madame, let's have a quick talk, elsewhere. The young folk need a moment," said the matchmaker, rising. "Please do come in, Young Master, and speak freely. We'll be minding our own p's and q's in the kitchen."

"Take all the time you need!" cheered Mikoto.

With a sigh, Sasuke closed his eyes a moment, reopening them only when he heard the matchmaker engage his mother further down the hall.

"You could have just asked, you know," said Sakura, warmth rising in her cheeks. She fiddled with her hands. "It would have saved your family some money. Not that that's an issue, but… it, that is, I don't… You could have at least spoken to me about it, first."

"You'd pulled back after Itachi's proposal sank."

"It was a bit awkward," she said, and patted the cushion beside her after a beat. Surprised, but happy, he sat down with her. "It was unexpected and impersonal. More like a business transaction. That wasn't what I wanted. He wasn't what I wanted. I… I didn't know if, or how, it affected… us."

"Hn."

"Don't be like that; I didn't want to risk further insulting your clan. Some of them weren't very nice about me rejecting your brother," explained Sakura. " ' _Who did I think I was? Did I think I was going to get a better offer? Who better for the Hokage's apprentice and a second-generation sannin?'_ and on and on…" She sighed and shrugged.

"That's why you stayed away."

She nodded.

"And… now?"

Her cheeks reddened further, and she glanced down at the table before looking at him again, and setting her shoulders confidently.

"Now, I have a much better idea of what I want," she said with a cheeky grin.

"And the… terms?" he asked, mindful of what he'd written down on his questionnaire.

Her grin turned sly as she bit her lip.

"Well… Let's just say I'm hoping 'as necessary' is quite frequent." She winked at him.

Dumbfounded, Sasuke stared at her for a full minute.

Then he grabbed her hand and dragged her down the hall.

"Mom, is the matchmaker ordained?"

* * *

Itachi adjusted Sasuke's cuffs one last time before stepping back and giving him a small smile.

"Perfect, little brother," he said proudly.

"Thank you, for everything." Sasuke looked at his brother deep in their matching inky eyes, and wasn't surprised to see amusement sparkling in their depths.

"Everything has a purpose; I am glad you found yours," said Itachi, straightening his own garb.

"You still haven't let up on the bagpiping," reminded Sasuke.

"Ah. I've grown fond of them," said Itachi.

Sasuke's brow furrowed as he tried to figure his brother's motivations out.

With a happy sigh, Itachi tapped Sasuke on his brow, ironing out the wrinkles. "It won't be much longer," he promised. "Give me a niece or nephew as soon as you can. It will make it much easier on Mother and Father."

"You did all that crazy stuff… because you want to marry someone outside the clan," realized Sasuke. "And you think they'll give in easier, and let you do it, just to get you to stop acting out."

"Hn."

"You're a mad genius."

Itachi smiled, and tilted his head towards the main hall. "Your bride awaits."

With that he walked out, leaving Sasuke a moment of peace to collect himself.

 _Thank you, Itachi._

And he repeated it to himself, as he stood at the front of the hall and Sakura caught him in her sparkling emerald gaze as she walked down the aisle to meet him.

 _Thank you, Itachi. You are the ultimate matchmaker._

* * *

 **The End!**

 **AN: This was written, not-for-profit, to celebrate the first day of SasuSaku Month 2015 on tumblr. It was originally posted to tumblr on July 1, 2015. Sharing here so all can enjoy. Check out the poll in my profile, btw, to let me know whom you'd like me to pair Sakura up with for a one-shot!**

 **Happy reading, and happy birthday, Sasuke!**

 **AN2: Also, kudos to those of you who catch the hint for the other one-shot I'll be posting, soon, also to celebrate SasuSaku Month! winkwink, nudgenudge.**


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